…and I thought “well what a start”…
I thought well what a start when I was going to fold the clothes for my mum. When it was a lot of clothes I said to myself what a start, there was like 84 clothes I had to fold, for my mum. My hands were hurting it was like I felt like they were jammed in a door that my finger turned purple. But it was no problem at all. In fact it was so worse that my mum brang in, 76 more clothes in my room. To be continued girls and boys.........
You repeat yourself and say the same thing again. You didn't need to write, "When it was a lot of clothes I said to myself what a start, there was like 84 clothes I had to fold, for my mum." You've already told us that.
ReplyDeleteKia Ora Rosa. I like how you used correct punctuation and put your capital letters in the right places. Next time you could Use different words because you were repeating yourself a lot. This reminds me of when I had only 100 words and had to write a descriptive story. Do you like writing?
ReplyDeleteKia Ora Rosa, It is Jessie From Mamaku Hub @ GMS
ReplyDeleteI really like this writing. By any chance does this relate to anything chore like at home... This reminded me of your previous writing. What was your favorite part of this short story?
He Whetu koe! (you're a star) From Jessie
(click on my name to go to my blog!)
Kia Ora Rosa, my name is Kyra from Mamaku 1 at Grey Main School. I liked your post about well what a start because there was a good paragraph about it. This reminds of doing my chores at home like the dishwasher, washing and much more. He Whetu Koe! (You're are a star!)
ReplyDeleteBye for now, Kyra!